Comfortably Numb

Note: This is a very long but important post. If you are looking for masala, dont continue beyond this point. But if you want to introspect what you are heading towards, please go ahead but read the ENTIRE post. Then only, it will make sense. Also, although this post contains the word "I" mostly, it as much applies to you as well.

It is a historic 1979 Pink Floyd song. Its plot mesmerizing and so identical to what we go through in our lives.

The song revolves around a certain protagonist called Pink who leads a Rock-star life. Now, please cleanse your mind of the most idiotic and inverted definition of "Rock-star" as has been set up in the mind of the Indian masses courtesy jokers like Himesh Reshammiya and most recently, Shekhar Suman. Rock star does not mean buttonless shirts, waxed chests, false attitude on some stupid television show and not to forget mind blowing-superb-fantastic-jai mata di- lets rock ( I will kill Himesh for this >_>).It is something absolutely opposite of this. Not the place to get into the details but there are a couple of good movies regarding this issue (which Himesh knows Indians wont watch).

Coming back to Pink, he is a rock star completely fed up of life. Tired of everyday concerts, fan meets, commercial appointments, women who only make out because of his rockstar status, money, more money, drugs etc.. Somewhere down the line, he has sold "himself" for the "rockstar". And you cant live long without being what you originally were and what you are supposed to be. This breaks Pink down and he falls on the floor in his hotel room. He feels numb. Hollow. No motivation to get up and perform. Why should he ? Is this the breathless painful life which he was supposed to lead ? Where is the happiness ? or the purpose of his life ?

Therefore, a doctor is sent to his room. The song entails the conversation of the doctor and Pink which beautifully encompasses the problems of Pink and to some extent, our own. Please read through the lyrics before we continue.




But today as I seat in my room in this chilling evening in Delhi,listening to this song, I feel that that its me to whom the Doctor is talking to. I am very unsure if my friends feel the same or its highly untimely/immature of me to think this way but yes, I do feel heading towards the wrong destination. These lines are particularly striking ~

When I was a child, I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look, but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child has grown, the dream is gone.

I agree with David Gilmour. Just a couple of years back, not long ago, in class 8th, we used to fly on clouds made up of our imagination. We caught a "fleeting glimpse" of what we wanted, what we aspired to do all our life. Though it was all a ship's smoke , unclear and faint in its dimensions. Something similar to a cool house, a couple of sexy cars, beautiful landscape. Now, that we are closing towards the harsh realities of life, we are feeling the prick of "truth".

Just a little pin prick.
There'll be no more, aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh,
But you may feel a little sick.

This world, our society, our uncle, aunt, grandmother, parents, teachers, friends are the Doctor. As you feel bogged down studying incessantly for God knows how long, they prick you, tell you that "this is the reality. Everyone faces it. You face it too". We feel depressed. How can we let our dreams , our aim which we have nurtured for so long, just slip away just because we are told that we had googles on our eyes and the real world is not that pleasant. Do we just say "Ok. Maybe this is it." and move ahead ? accepting our defeat or rather not considering it a defeat just because everyone gets defeated. Or do we stand up against it unable to allow our conscience to accept this "defeat".

Well, it all depends upon how strong your will is. Do you have the courage to break the system, bang yourself against the obstacle ,10000 times if needed, to break the glass wall which is holding you back telling you that the other world is not for you. or do you just succumb to the pressure. But if you take the risky path, your determination has to be strong, VERY strong. And you need to be convinced in order to achieve that. Here is an introspection.

Ever since I remember, I have been studying (so have most of my friends. Thus, I will use I instead of "We" though it will mean both). Hundreds of exams I have given. Hundreds of nights I have stayed awake trying to cover the syllabus. And slowly, painfully , I moved ahead. Class 1. Class 2. Class 3. Class 4. Class 5. Class 6. Class 7. Class 8. All the while thinking that our dreams are waiting for us given that we work hard. . Class 9. Class 10. Then came classes 11th and 12th when the real game began. Very hectic and blood-sucking years. Most of the people know what one goes through in these years. So, till now we have only been working. Missing God knows how many parties, Birthdays due to those Monday Tests , Terminal exams etc etc (atleast I have). I have no problems till now. Afterall, iron has to be hammered in hot condition to become a sword.

But now, we are in a college. Again blood sucking life. Going to college. Spending 9 - 5:30 in front of talking statues without an iota of interest (dont think I didnt try !). Then, midsems. Now, for more than a month, I have been studying (atleast trying to). Apparently supposed to do nothing else. After some very painful passage of time, I am through my endsem exams. And I will tell you, it has been very agonising. Now, there are 7 sems more. Then, 2 years more in IIM. Then a job. Again 9 am - 9 pm job cycle. 6 days a week. Deadlines, tension. But wait !!!!! Do you still remember what you dreamt as a child ? The "fleeting glimpse" you saw ?

No. You dont.

The point I am trying to make is that the system that we are going through is not designed to land us where we want to. Its supposed to produce rats for the rat race in which the entire world, mostly knowingly, is running. Its a treadmill where we seem to be running but we stay where we are.

Check this out.
Suppose we pass out of our college with a decent salary of say 7-8 lakhs per annum. Around 65k per month. You buy a house, a car and going by the way our generation lives, you WILL end up spending 5-6 lakhs per annum or maybe not even that. So , lets say you save 2 lakhs per annum in liquid money. Now you work for 40 years. So, thats equivalent to a maximum of 1 crore when you retire ? A massive part will also go on your medical expenses, children's education, marriage and n number of other things. Bottom line is that the road we are walking on, is leading us to an abyss ! YES IT IS. and do NOT forget complete subjugation to 12 hours daily work and complete disregard for your dreams, beauty of the nature, the thousands of visual wonders that God has provided us of, the Pyramids of Giza, the mountains of Alps, the beaches of Goa, the forests of South America, hills of the North-east and so many different cultures and people (you know what I am talking about if you see Discovery channel).


I have realised that I will reach where I am headed for. I will lead a mediocre , slave's life , always working for someone else. Forgetting all my dreams. There are 84 lakh species on earth, and God has given such a rare of the rarest opportunity to be born as a human, and we are supposed to waste it like this ? NO.

No. Maybe my ancestors did. Maybe my neighbours' ancestors did. Or my friend's. But I wont. I will NOT walk into an abyss knowing that it is an abyss. I will stand up and be someone different. and fight the stereotype that the world has created. I will act such that I enjoy the beauty the nature has created , earn very heavy amount of money in an early age, and relish the different things that are supposed to be relished. Therefore , I will think what I need to do. And not just keep screwing up myself for a destination which I know I dont want. No matter what the people around me say. I will achieve the "fleeting glimpse" that I saw as a child.

This is not a random emotional outburst. I have thought about this for a long time and I mean EVERY word that I have said till now. Therefore, I need to change my aim and stop doing what crores of others have done and reached nowhere.

I end with these lines from one of my favourite tracks "You cant take me" by Bryan Adams from the movie - Spirit !

You can't take me Yeah!
Got to fight another fight
gotta run another night
Get it out - check it out
I'm on my way and I don't feel right
I gotta get me back - I can't be
beat and that's a fact
It's OK - I'll find a way
It ain't gonna take me down no way yeah

Don't judge a thing until you know what's inside it
Dont' push me - I'll fight it
Never gonna give in - never gonna give it up no

If you can't catch a wave then
your'e never gonna ride
You can't come uninvited
Never gonna give in - never gonna give up no
You can't take me I'm free


I hope I wont let myself down and not remain "comfortably numb".

PS - If you did manage to reach the end of this post, do post your comments. Do you think you are heading into yet another rat race ? Or do you feel the need to be "different" ? It might be a cliched topic but my conviction/anger is quite high right now.

Who said Chemistry is crap ?

Allright.

I had been waiting to get this thing out. Its not something to be "proud" of , nor will I be repeating it and most of my school friends already know this. But as I said in the last post, I cant ever EVER forget this incident.

Ohh..btw..I fucked up the ED practical very bad. Guess the blog's first post cost me dearly. But anyways, screwing up ED isnt a life-changing/threatening event.

Now back to the Chemistry thing.

This happened in Class 11th. It was around November 2005. We had just somehow completed the 11th organic portion (so called "completed"). I surely could tell the formula of Ethane, methane, propane .... but not butane. And suddenly we were faced with a giant of a syllabus from a devillish book called "Pradeep". Pradeep remains the worst nightmare I ever had. or I will ever have (exception being the ED practical I had yesterday).

And then, we had our Monday test in our school in chem on the same topic , head or tail of which wasnt clear to me. We also had our 8 hour long VMC test series the day before. So, woke up 7 in morning on Sunday. Got screwed up for 12 hours. Reached home 7:30 in evening unable to see , smell , speak or hear.

I fell asleep. Woke up at 7 next morning. Got dressed . Drank a glass of water. Reached school. Asked for a pen from a friend. and for monday test sheets too. I didnt know why but the teacher gave me the question paper. Perhaps she was supposed to.

I went through the paper. This is how it went.

Question 1 - hmm..no probs..there are many questions left.

Question 2 - ok...there are still some left.

Question 3 - sob....Looks like I know what is coming

Question 4 - Suna suna lagta hai...class mein bataya tha shayad.

Question 5 - Too long a question.

Question 6 - Yeah . This was about nomenclature. I did both of them

Question 7 - z z z z z z

Question 8 - No hope left. Kuch nahi aata. All is lost.

But wait....the paper wasnt over !

Then in the third page, I wrote over the entire 10 x 7 inch sheet

I dont know anything,

Nothing do I know.

Chemistry is CRAP,

My marks will reach a new low.

- Rohil Sinha
11 B

And then I gave the paper to the invigilator.

Soon, the bomb exploded. My paper reached into the hands of the HOD of chem. Parents were called. My class teacher laughed at it though couldnt do anything about it. My parents suspected I was involved in some gangster-kind of war in school or some other "type" of lafda. Things came, things happened, things went. Somehow I got out of this mess without even a yellow card (maybe it was my acads which were excellent till then).

I still have that paper with me. A folklore which will exist with me forever.

Maybe you didnt catch any thing exciting with it , but the entire peculiarity of this event was too amazing to experience. And thats what makes it so special.

So, if you got any such "lafda" to share, tell me. I will put it here on the blog.

Till then, HAIL CHEMISTRY !!

- Rohil

ohh and by the way , I got 7 marks out of 25 for the nomenclature question (Q.6) i solved.

11 Reasons why you should not read my blog

Hi all

I finally spent some of my unused and usually decently-pervertic creativity(refer to the url of the blog. Try deciphering it. You will get the idea) to some good use to get this blog into shape in order to splutter out the usual mishappenings and crap that our life is bestowed with , in a manner that all the puzzle pieces fall together into a beautiful canvas over a period of time. Now, lets not be me-emo-you-emo .

I strictly advise you not to visit my blog. Why ? Well..its surely not as significant a topic as Paris Hilton intentionally undergoing a wardrobe malfunction (which infact IS the most common function), but it still is.

So, try and browse away NOW

Still here ? Maybe you should go Here and make some more bullsh** of your valuable time and energy.

Still here ? Now, maybe you need some convincing.

So, stay away from my blog because ~

1. You will not find any of those chirpy-bubbly-dimply talks which some of the "dudes" in college very intently engage in with *you know who*s (read Girls) for very obvious reasons. I write equally from my brain and heart , often devoid of any adulteration.

2.I call a spade a spade. Except if you happen to be a college senior in which case I need to be very careful for my and solely my well being (exceptions being a couple of seniors with whom I feel very comfortable interacting with).

3.I have been in trouble earlier resulting from my sudden disregard of circumstances forced by the circumstances themselves. E.g. The most famous event in school life was me getting completely pissed off in the middle of my Chemistry paper and doing something I do regret but surely cherish for the sole reason of me showing to myself that situations cant guide me beyond a certain limit. I will reserve this piece of event for the future in case you still shamelessly stroll back.

4.I have quite a happening life nowadays and there is a mammoth amount of utter nonsense waiting to be kicked out of my mind. You dont need to buy masala at your local store.

5. I do not indulge in shamelessly long and you-suck-because-you-cant-read-long- sentences type of language which I and only I am able to comprehend with absolute disregard for the optical capabilities of your eyes and the maximum mental flexibility which God has bestowed you with making you feel much more inferior and fallen fueling your desire to band your head against the comp. screen and make a point to yourself not to visit such idiotic and ridiculous blogs again.

Well...you get the idea what I am trying to say.

6.I always happen to have some free time for my computer antics giving me ample time to regularly update my blog. Which subsequently gives me ample opportunity to waste more of your time.

7.You belong to the I-hate-blogspot-love-wordpress community.

8.You hate Manchester United. In that case, I am your worst nightmare. So, shuhhh !!

9. You dont like my face. (I dont give a shit anyways)

10.You still dont like my face. (I already said I dont give a shit)

11. If you visit my site regularly, you will force me to waste my precious time updating the blog and forget my priorities. Because it is 1:13 AM in the night as I write this post and I have my End Semester Engineering Drawing Practicals tomorrow morning at 9:30 for which I need to study 7 chapters !!! and I havent even started yet !!!

God bless me.
And you too.

Goodbye and I will update the blog if I return alive from the ED practical.

Rohil Sinha